The Muddy Adventures

30 months is the amount of time it took to hold Kamden in our arms since the time we decided we were ready to have baby. More appropriately, 30 months... a team of doctors... a small fortune... and a lot of heartache.

(This post proceeds to get rather lengthy and maybe "TMI" so read ahead with caution)

We actually started trying for Kamden about the same time we began this blog. Our trip to Vietnam was planned to be the last pre-baby vacation. We were pretty tight-lipped over the course of this "adventure" but I finally feel comfortable enough to share.

We started off trying the natural way.... the way it was intended. After a disappointing first few months, we were still able to maintain our positive outlook. We were young and didn't anticipate any problems. After all, I was 27 and Joe 30 and we were both in relatively good health. However, Joe's travel picked up, which made the "timing" especially challenging. After doing my "homework" on the subject, I began to chart daily temperature and trying every "wives tale" that may help with this process. I even made the dreadful trip to Houston in the middle of the summer to coordinate my timing with Joe's travel schedule. As the months dragged on, each cycle became more disappointing then the next.

After trying for 6 months, we started to suspect that there may be another problem beyond our control and got tested through my OB. We were immediately referred to an RE (reproductive endocrinologist), where he recommended that the next step we take would be an IUI. For those unfamiliar, this is basically a procedure that point and shoot the "swimmers" in the right direction. After our first procedure, we were very optimistic and were sure that this HAD to have worked. Unfortunately, this led to another month of disappointment, which turned into another, then another, then another.

We went through 4 months of failed IUIs and our specialist indicated that our next logical option was to go with In Vitro Fertilization. This was our first "major" expense as our health insurance did not cover any fertilization treatments. After making this decision, we had very high hopes and the thought of potentially having twins was very exciting for us. When we made the decision to do this, we had wild expectations that this would certainly work and that we would have enough leftover embryos to have the family we had always wanted. We had our first "fresh" cycle in May 2010. This is where they pump me full of a ridiculous amount of drugs to produce a lot of eggs and (hopefully) many strong embryos. We ended up with 4 embryos. We implanted 2 in May. This is an ultrasound of our first 2 being implanted:

These obviously didn't stick. It was classified as a chemical pregnancy ... which is just a fancy term for an early miscarriage. We had many positive pregnancy tests and then and then some not very hopeful blood tests. The hope of a few weeks of pregnancy made the outcome even more heartbreaking.

The 2 leftover embryos were frozen for later use. We elected to try again in August 2010 with our 2 remaining embryos. This also didn't work... another chemical pregnancy. This one was almost worse... many positive pregnancy tests... and some positive blood tests... then nothing.

At this point we were feeling beyond defeated. We were up against the decision to give up and look into adoption, which can also be very costly and end up with something, but ultimately not what we envisioned for our first child, or take another chance and invest another $14K to try again. To make things more interesting, we were fighting the insurance time bomb. Although our insurance wouldn't cover the treatments, they would cover maternity, which was very important in case any medical emergencies happened during pregnancy or delivery. I was laid off in April 2010 and we had to be pregnant by February 2011 to still have cobra insurance coverage for maternity. Joe is self-employed and we knew it would be difficult to get maternity coverage and if we could get it, we would be on a 2 year waiting period for this to kick in. In a last effort to try for the family we ultimately wanted, we agreed to try one more time and invest the time, money and emotional distress to do another "fresh" IVF cycle.

"Fresh" IVF cycles require a LOT of drugs. Below is a picture of the drugs for the second cycle. Four of them were injections and this was just the first shipment:

The second "fresh" cycle was much more successful. We had 17 eggs, 14 fertilized into embryos, and 7 became really strong (5-day) embryos. We implanted 2 of the embryos and froze the other 5.

One of those little white dots is KAMDEN!!! It was very difficult to be positive about this pregnancy in the beginning. We had been through 2 miscarriages in the past and were pretty guarded with our emotions. Unfortunately, at this point, we were unable to enjoy the results of the home pregnancy tests and the excitement of the possibility that this may have actually worked. We have been through this twice and having our hopes let down again would have been too devastating for us enjoy this moment. I don't think we really believed we would have a child until we found out the gender at 18+ weeks, and we were still skeptical. We didn't really feel any relief until we held a healthy baby just 8 weeks ago. We were always worried that he would have a developmental problem or there would be a complication, even during delivery (and trust me, his delivery did NOT come easy!)

We are obviously thrilled to have Kamden, our miracle child. I would not recommend anyone go through 7 infertility treatments in 11 months. It was so incredibly, emotionally, difficult to handle that I don't think we would have made it without a really strong relationship. I am not going to lie ... wine helped a bit (ok... A LOT!!).

I know many people struggling with similar issues and you might know someone as well. Joe and I wouldn't have made it through without having support through each other and a few close people. Some of my advice if you are going through this.... you have every right to feel every emotion you are feeling. They are all justified. If you are supporting a person fighting infertility, I hated hearing certain things. There were 2 that topped the charts: "Just have fun/Relax" and "It will happen." When you are going through a million treatments it is NOT "fun" and you don't feel like it will ever "happen."

At the end of the day, Kamden has exceeded every expectation we could have in our first child and we now feel complete. We are hopeful that our family will continue to grow, but we do not have high expectations since we know the difficulties that can occur. If we end up as a family of 3, we are happy.

We had a week of "Muddy Adventures"... especially for a 7 week old. It is hard to stay in the house when the weather peaks in the mid 70s, regardless if you have a baby or not. This week was no exception. Kamden went to his first Royals game with Joe and my good friend "K." He might not have caught a fly ball but he slept most of the game... which was even better.

On Friday, Joe and I had a night out with friends. The fabulous Aunt "C" allowed us a little adult time while she scored some quality cuddle time with him!

On Saturday we hit up the Plaza Art Fair. Kamden was pretty great. He slept a bit, fussed a bit, and became a little overwhelmed. We *may* have borrowed a Pottery Barn Kids glider for about 20 minutes to rock him to sleep. Thank goodness for store samples!

After a quality nap we ventured to the neighborhood block party. They had a live band but thankfully, Kamden slept through it all. We had fun but left early because of a particular college football game that *must* be watched.

After this "Adventure"-filled week with Kamden we are feeling (possibly too) confident. We are currently planing a long weekend on the coast in November. Are we crazy? The kid flies for free... we must take advantage.